Know Your Worth.
The Fixer
For a long time, I didn't choose partners. I chose projects.
If you had asked me back then, I would have called it love. I would have told you I saw potential in people others overlooked, and that I believed in them when no one else did. And some of that was true. But looking back, I can see the pattern clearly now. I was always drawn to people who needed to be fixed.
Someone without a job. Someone who hadn't finished school. Someone who hadn't done the things they said they wanted to do with their life. I would step in with my whole heart, encouraging them, uplifting them, and pushing them to become better. I believed that if I loved them enough, supported them enough, and gave enough, they would rise.
I gave 100%, every single time. I did the emotional work, the practical work, and the work of holding the relationship together. I poured into them as though their growth was my responsibility.
What I didn't realize was that while I was so busy building them up, I was slowly tearing myself down.
What I Received in Return
So what did I get for giving my all?
I got partners who looked at other women while standing beside me. Partners who spoke to other women behind my back and said things no one in a committed relationship should ever say to someone else. I got disrespect dressed up as normal, and betrayal I was expected to quietly accept.
I got people who lashed out at me, yelled at me, and attacked me with their words. And when I didn't shrink, when I didn't fall silent and submit, I was treated like something that needed to be controlled.
Then came the labels. I was "crazy." I was "psycho." I was too emotional, too much, too difficult.
All I ever wanted was to be treated with love and respect. That was it. Not perfection, not grand gestures. Just basic kindness, honesty, and care.
You Are Not Crazy
I need you to hear this, because I wish someone had said it to me sooner.
Asking to be treated like a human being does not make you crazy. Expecting honesty does not make you crazy. Feeling hurt when someone disrespects you does not make you crazy.
When a broken person calls you crazy for having standards, it isn't a reflection of you. It's a reflection of what they're unable to give. Your reaction to mistreatment is not the problem. The mistreatment is the problem.
And if someone repeatedly makes you question your sanity for wanting love and respect, that isn't proof that you're asking for too much. It's proof that they don't deserve you.
Why It's So Hard to Leave
If you've never been in a relationship like this, it can be easy to ask, "Why didn't you just leave?"
But anyone who has been there knows it's never that simple. When you love someone, it's incredibly hard to see the worst in them, even when they show it to you at every chance they get. You hold on to the good moments. You remember who they were at the beginning, or who you believe they could become. You tell yourself it will get better if you just try a little harder.
And often, there's a promise dangling in front of you. Commitment. A future. Marriage. Someday. It keeps you hoping and keeps you staying, even when there's no real intention behind it. Some people will dangle forever in front of you with no plan to ever love you, choose you, or follow through.
A friend once told me something that changed the way I saw everything:
Whatever you allow in a relationship now will only be amplified in marriage.
That stopped me in my tracks. Marriage doesn't fix disrespect. A ring doesn't heal betrayal. If someone isn't treating you with love and respect now, a bigger commitment won't change who they are. It will only magnify it.
The question isn't whether they'll change. The question is how much longer you're willing to wait to be treated the way you deserve.
Why Wasn't I Enough?
I remember dating someone who wouldn't walk beside me in public. He wouldn't hold my hand. He wasn't proud to call me his.
I remember being with someone who would rather turn to a screen than be intimate with me. Who chose fantasy over the real woman in front of him.
And every time, I turned the blame inward. I thought something must be wrong with me. I would lie awake asking the same painful question: If I'm giving my all, why am I not enough?
It took me a long time to understand the truth. I was always enough. I was simply giving my all to people who were incapable of receiving it.
When someone doesn't value you, it's not because you lack value. It's because they lack the ability to see it. A diamond doesn't lose its worth because someone mistakes it for glass.
If you've ever asked yourself, "Why am I not enough?", let me gently replace that question with a better one: Why did I keep giving so much of myself to someone who gave so little in return? That question doesn't lead to shame. It leads to freedom.
Choosing Yourself
Overcoming this was a long, painful, and hard road. I won't pretend otherwise. Unlearning the belief that love means sacrifice, and that being mistreated was something I had to tolerate, took time.
But something shifts the moment you truly know you deserve more.
You stop explaining yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. You stop fighting for a seat at a table where you're never truly welcome. And you get to the point where you can say, with your whole chest: I release you, and I release whatever you think of me.
Their opinions no longer get to define you. Their negative energy no longer gets to live in your mind rent-free. What they say and do becomes their business, not your burden.
When you start prioritizing yourself, everything changes. You protect your peace. You pour into your own growth with the same devotion you once gave away. You show, through your actions and not your words, that you no longer need their approval.
And here's the part they never expect. Very often, when you finally stop chasing and start choosing yourself, they notice what they lost. Some come back with apologies and promises. Some never do. But either way, there will always be a part of them that knows they had something rare, and they let it go.
That realization isn't your revenge. It's simply the natural consequence of a woman who finally knows her worth. Your peace is the victory.
Know Your Worth
Knowing your worth isn't arrogance. It isn't being difficult, demanding, or "too much." It's understanding that love and respect are the minimum, not the reward.
Your worth was never meant to be earned by how much you can fix, carry, or tolerate. You don't have to over-give to be loved. You don't have to shrink to be kept. And you never have to accept crumbs while giving someone your whole heart.
This lesson doesn't only apply to romance. The same pattern shows up in friendships, workplaces, and business, anywhere you've been giving far more than you receive. When you know your worth, you charge what you deserve, set boundaries without guilt, and walk away from anything that requires you to abandon yourself to stay.
The right people won't need to be convinced of your value. They'll see it, honour it, and be proud to stand beside you.
Until then, you stand beside yourself.
Reflect and Elevate
Take your time with these questions. Be honest and gentle with yourself as you answer.
Have you ever been drawn to "fixing" or rescuing others? What did you hope to receive in return?
What labels have others placed on you when you asked for love or respect? Write them down, then write the truth beside each one.
What have you allowed in a relationship, friendship, or workplace that you would never want amplified?
Finish this sentence: "I was always enough, even when…"
What are your non-negotiables, the minimum standard of love and respect you will accept from now on?
What is one way you can choose yourself this week?
Remember: the right people won't need to be convinced of your worth.
